Post #247 - December 9, 1943 For Me—It Was Glorious—All of It

 

December 9, 1943
Sweetheart Mine

Here I am again on the new stationary. So dull a day has it been that I don't know just where to begin or what to tell you. I was very busy again today and the time flew. This evening, there is no show and because I ate two big meals instead of the customary one, there is no point in going to the snack bar. We are toasting the last of the marshmallows, and I sure hate to see them go, they were that good! I managed to find a few moments to bang out a thank you note to Sharpe & Dohme. I hope to get the rest of them off tonight. There hasn't been any mail from you for 5 days now and I'm looking forward to a “jackpot” again. Hope I hear from Ed and Richie before my next pass comes around December 19th. If I do—I'll spend the two days visiting. 

Well, Chippie, it’s more than four months now since I saw you last, but aside from missing you terribly, I'm none the worse for wear. If I came home tomorrow, I think you wouldn't have any trouble at all recognizing your “old flame.” As far as I can see I haven't changed in any way in that time. I try to keep my mind as free from worry and care as it is in my power to do. Can you say the same, Sweet? Your state of mind and health is a prime concern to me and although your letters are largely cheerful, I'm wondering if that is your attitude through the bulk of the days. Tell me frankly, Baby; what frame of mind are you usually in? Has Adele helped to keep you mentally as well as physically occupied? Is your affection for her as pronounced and all-pervading as that you used to lavish on me? Remember my long-ago expressed hope that Adele would become the object of your manifest affections—the foil for your great capacity and need for bestowing your love? Your contention at that time was that as much as you loved her, she would never fill that specific spot in your heart that was reserved for your husband, and I was gratified no end by that particular little speech, but I would very much like to hear you admit that she has been a comfort to you in my absence. I long to hear you say that you are glad now that we conceived her when we did, in spite of your decrying the fact that she has been virtually fatherless in her first year. I long to hear you say it ’cause I can't forget that once you regretted it. I don't remember whether you admitted it in so many words, but I do know that I felt that was your feeling in the matter. I don't know if you realized at the time how that rankled within me, but now that you have had the time to think it over, and the opportunity to make up your mind, I'm more than anxious to know the verdict. What is it, Darling? I fully appreciate the joys (and trials) I am missing by being far from my baby, but I can truthfully say that, for my part, I wouldn't change any part of the history of the three of us if I could live it all over again, (unless I could, in some way, spare you the pain of the birth itself). For me—it was glorious—all of it. I would have given anything at the time to have been able to bear all or part of the burden and pain that was your lot in bearing our child. I can't help feeling unworthy of the blessing that is our adorable little Adele—so little did I “pay” for her. Believe me, Baby, I’ll consider no price too high, once I am in a position to make myself worthy and deserving of her—and you. God bless and keep you both, my darlings—for your adoring father and husband 

Phil