Post #567 - February 1, 1945 January Passed Very Quickly and I’m Grateful for It and You Have Troubles Enough of Your Own Without My Having to Burden You with Mine

 

Feb. 1, 1945

Dearest Phil,

January passed very quickly and I’m grateful for it. Perhaps, darling, there won't be too many months to wait for the day of reunion. I'm afraid I'm getting a little optimistic and it's not so good. I felt like a love sick cow all day long. For some funny reason I couldn't get my mind off the topic I had discussed in yesterday's letter - that of having babies. You say I don't know the burning question. *To have or not to have.” Yes, I'm afraid I do, and what's more, I'm afraid. I know that I want you so desperately that nothing but you in the raw will satisfy me once you are mine again. Can you understand, then, why I am so afraid. My mind says no, but my heart and body say yes, yes, yes! The answer is “to have,” but “not to have” for a while. I’m sure, darling, that your desire to have me is only matched by mine for you. It isn't that I don't want to have them, darling. It’s just that I want them, as well as us, to have all those things I (and I'm sure you) feel is due all of us. That’s why I want you to understand that I don't wish to have one for some time yet. I love you all the more for understanding my wishes and you know full well that I’ve always (and always will) satisfy your desires, as best I can - that you may depend on.

My check was the single piece of mail for me, which causes me to remind you of our financial state at the present time. I turned the $17 Jack sent me for the pin I returned into a $25 bond. When your Dec. Jan. bonds arrive, we'll have exactly $1275 in bonds. I am going to deposit the remaining $40 from my allotment check of this month to our account. The account now has $260 and with the additional $40 we'll hit the $300 figure. I am depositing the balance of my allotment check to our account each month and will continue to do so for some time.

I got into work very early this morning as I had oodles of work, and kept busy all day long. I had to leave a little for tomorrow, but I hope to get all caught up then.

I think Eddie is going to take advantage of the government’s offer to send him to college, if and when he feels like it. He readied your shoes for mailing today and they will go off tomorrow. We can’t seem to get anything to make up a decent package. I wanted to send some film, but try and get it. Clara Wagman called last night and promised to come up to dinner on Wednesday night. I still owe her $7.20 for the vitamin pills and I’m tired of owing it to her. I told her if she didn't come up I'd send her a check, but she’ll do her best to come up that night.

I don't know why I'm having such difficulty writing this evening, but I almost hear my mind scratching itself for something to say. I guess the old story, "no news is good news” will have to apply. It’s old but still new, the fact that I love you, my darling husband, and that that love grows stronger with each hour of each day. It's so wonderful to bear the title of Mrs. Phil Strongin, not to mention that of

Your Eve

1 February 1945

My Dearest,

A new month, and if it continues as it started, it should be a good one. A few nice things happened today. The weather changed suddenly, and after a few hours of rain last night that washed away every vestige of January's snows, the temperature climbed and the sun showed itself for the first time in days. There was even a hint of spring in the fresh breeze. Then, this afternoon, I came back from the Tech Site to find four of your V-mails waiting in the Orderly Room. They are all about Fay and her great misfortune, the party in honor of Syd's homecoming, and your usual detailed account of your comings and goings. You certainly are a busy lady these days, Sweet. You certainly don't get as much rest as you should have, and I’m a little fearful that you might overdo it. But I know now that you appreciate the importance of rest and sleep, and I trust you to get as much of both as you are able. I thought it most considerate of you to spend so much time with Fay in her recent bereavement. God grant that no more such misfortunes befall our friends. Your letters, incidentally, are dated 20, 21, 22, 23 Jan., and I’m pleased to note that you made the most of the rather limited space on the forms. 

Last night, after a very busy and trying day (trying because everything seemed to go wrong), I wrote a V-mail to you. I was feeling low and bitter at the time, and unfortunately, I pored my feelings out in the letter. I even dropped it in the mail box here in the Orderly Room. Then I went to the second show to see "I Loved a Soldier" with Paulette Goddard and Sonny Tufts. Capt. Crane was good enough to drop me off at the theater. I liked the picture very much. Comedy and pathos were nicely blended. There wasn't too much of either. Walking back I got to thinking about the V-mail I had written, and by the time I got back to the area I had made up my mind to tear it up, and that I did as soon as I got back. God knows, honey, you have troubles enough of your own without my having to burden you with mine. Sometimes no letter is better than one which would only cause you concern, at least that is how I feel about it. I think you will agree, darling, and thus be able to forgive me for the fact that you will receive one letter dated 31 Jan. from me. 

Tonight finds me pulling my regular trick of CQ again. I had planned on writing a few letters beside this one (at least one to Mom), but it has been a hard day and I'm very weary. My mind just doesn't seem to want to function any more. Please ask Mom to be patient a while longer, and I'll do my best to get a letter off to her within the next few days. I've had more trouble than usual this past month trying to keep up with my correspondence, and I suspect that Jack N., Mom, Goldie, Gloria and a few others whom I “owe” letters must be pretty discouraged with me. Truly, Sweet, I have so little free time, that when I am unoccupied, I want nothing better than to just sit and do nothing - not even think, and certainly not write. So, when I do write to anyone but you, it requires a real effort of will, and I'm not always up to it. This isn't meant to be a justification for my failure to write as often as I should - I realize it isn’t a worthy excuse, but I do mean to apologize for my fault. I hope the “aggrieved” parties are magnanimous enough to forgive it. 

My schedule tonight is kinda "rough", 'cause I must wake the guards at 1:00 A.M; the mess-sergeant at 4:00; the K.P.’s at 5:00; and the company at 6:00. This only allows for cat-naps between those times, and if past performances are any criterion, I'll be a pretty tired and sleepy fellow tomorrow morning. Fortunately, I am permitted to sleep from 8:00 ’til 11:00!

But it is twenty minutes past "date-time", sweetheart, and I'm very drowsy, so I know you'll excuse me if I end this here and grab a nap until 1:00 A.M.—

Good night, my lovely. No need to tell you how much I miss you at this very moment - l think you know! No need to tell you either, that I love you very dearly, ’cause you know that, too. But I love to tell you, anyway, so please bear with me once again while I whisper my love to you and kiss you, oh, so tenderly—My dearest love to our precious Adele, and a kiss from her adoring

Daddy Phil